Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Randomize
