I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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