He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
