Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
