Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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