Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Randomize
