Please, let me fuck your mom
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
