I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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