I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
