I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
