dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
