sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
