You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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