Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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