im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
