omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
