I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
