I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
