u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
