Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
