D3 body, D1 cock
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
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