Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
