I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
