Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
