it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
