her vagine was all disorganized.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize