Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
