i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
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