Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
