You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
