Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
