how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
