Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
