dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
