The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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