My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
