so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
