Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
