OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Randomize
