I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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