You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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