I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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