so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize