Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
