I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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