There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
