Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
