I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Randomize
