So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Randomize
