Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
