I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
