If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize