I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Randomize
