Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
