You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
