Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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