Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
