Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
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