Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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