I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
