it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
