i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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