Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
id be glad to
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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