how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
