How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Randomize
