Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
