Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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