Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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