i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize