Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
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