I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
