hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize