hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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